Today I took apart my Milli, cleaned her thoroughly, and got ready to say goodbye.
We (the machine and I) are going on a road trip tomorrow to Grand Forks to deliver her to her new home.
I really thought I was ready for this, but when I turned her off for the last time (and thought to myself, "this is the last time") my throat closed a little, and I felt tears well up. It really is the end of an era in my life, in a big way. Somehow it is comforting and fitting that I finished with a customer quilt - a friend of our family's.
I have always been struck by the emphasis we (as a culture) put on 'firsts'. This is especially true when our children are little: their first steps, first words, first day of school, first day of college, first job.....
but we don't acknowledge the 'lasts'.
The last time I sang my boys to sleep, for instance. I wish I could remember that.
It's been a few weeks of acknowledging 'last times'. Now that we are seriously moving toward building on our new property I've been very aware of our 'last times'. On Sunday of the past weekend the boys, DH and I flew a kite in the big field behind our house. As I sat on the grass next to my fella watching the kids run around, bright Chinese kite up in the big, blue sky, I thought to myself, "we may never do this again, here". The day was gorgeous, sunny and windy- the perfect day to fly a kite, to make a memory.
I hope you remember the good 'lasts', the ones that make your heart swell. The bad 'lasts' can be lost to memory - good riddance, and all that - let's take all the good endings and move forward into our new beginnings.
(as one door closes and another opens)